I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
