u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
