about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
