every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
