i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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