she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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