Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
