And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
