Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
