y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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