I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
