I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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