I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
