I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
love makes seman taste better
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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