I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
