I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
