I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
