he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
