fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found puke in my bra..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
BRING THE BAGELS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
