Please, let me fuck your mom
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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