You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
