He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
