Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
