pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
