She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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