no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
