Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
