I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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