I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
