Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
