I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
