Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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