you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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