I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
