I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
