Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
