if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
