the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
