Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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