WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
