Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think my moral compass just broke
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
