I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
there is glitter all over my balls
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
