She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
