So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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