I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
