i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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