Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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