Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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