He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
