waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
