i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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